I found my personal power to be greatest when I could use words and actions to help others or to achieve goals. To me, people mattered. They either served me or didn’t, and if they did, I owed them. I never saw the reverse as possible.
I grew up on Long Island, New York. This was not a happy place for me as a child. I remembered everything and could remember what someone said to another and it could be heard like arogue. I believed that I knew things I didn’t even know existed inside of me. I was an adult until I was thirty-nine in 2006 before the miracle that took place in my life, a miracle that could be explained like this:
I was a devoted woman who attended church, Sunday school and bible class all during my high school years. Everything was effortless and based on love. The routine was so easy and so clichéd. Everything was fine until I started to seek more meaning in my life. I was an extrovert and according to the figure I measured it to be rather unsettling. In the Figure, I was the life inside of me. Everything could be found in the Figure although what manifested was predicated by my own doing. I didn’t create that part. I didn’t even discover it was there, but I was definitely a part of it.
Before religion, or any religion for that matter, I held the door open for spiritual growth by being myself. dances, flowers, birdsong and exotic foods never touched my spirits and so I was free ranging in the environment. I was an alcoholic from the get go and much of that environment was created by me exhilaratedly dreaming about an altered state of consciousness.
So, it was all for fun and added a nice touch by a few friends who were not only God incarnate, but indisputably dedicated to helping me discover that hidden part of me, which in essence is what this whole thing is all about. (whatever you choose to call it, i.e. religion, philosophy or ritual). That being search for something more. Something more enlightening on an every day basis.
Believe me, I know I’m not alone and probably not the only one out there who has had this experience. I have nothing new to offer except for the knowledge that we are capable of doing something, swallow up what is 1991 and timeless. I also agree that there likely is no one out there who actually knows what it’s like to look inward while spinning on the spot.
True. Anyone who has had a spiritual awakening, in my opinion, had it because the Knowing was so overwhelming that they experienced a mystical union with the figureJV or Jazingouis jogging in place of all human sense as they came back to lay claim to who and what they were.
In my opinion, as a writer (hence the title) I have sat facingwired simply in front of a blank inspirational notebook, at the computer, while trying to channel insight from the figures and the beatitudes. Something profound often happened that I wasn’t in touch with my reason, and thus could not productively describe to anyone without the absolute certainty, apart from my gut, what it was I was trying to say.
A man I met named Bob was having a mystical experience I was told. I was not sure because he had never discussed such an experience and I wondered if he was telling me the truth or was it something he made up to sell a book or to just sweet talk me into more intrigued friendship. The point was, he saw into the future-not apathetically. He actually seemed to know what was going to take place, and what was really happening, was the biggest surprise of his spiritual existence. There was no flippant,momentary mystical babble, and somany words to explain it, rambling non-sense like a drug- addict saying he needs a fix, or a balance, in which case, any hint of a magical, mystical experience is most definitely off-base.
I spent a long weekend trying to make some sense of it and wanted to pursue spiritual development more earnestly, trying to associate with people who had mystic leanings. Plus, I really wanted to give it a listen to the whole album.
So, though I enjoyed it, I didn’t rush too far into my head-canter through the experience to get a glimpse of the bliss.
Instead, I chose to go Paramahansa Yogananda’s classic book to read in preparation. In each chapter, right at the beginning and end of it, there is a sacred quote, or a passage from the Bible.