We have all done things in our lives we wish we had never done. Some of those things cause us sadness as we think about them, while others cause us anguish as we contemplate the shame of what we could have done differently. And there are many things that we would now do differently if we could change the way we think about them.
But it is the things that concern us which most frighten us. What can we do when something as innocuous as someone gates into our house when we are there, without anyone even noticing? How can we handle the disappointment when things don’t go the way we think they should? And when they aren’t quite as bad as we had feared?
The reason why we have such a problem when we fail something is because generally speaking, we think failure means the end of life. And in proportion to our fear of failure, we also fear failing more generally. And the more we fear failure, the greater our sense of personal failure.
Paradoxically, this paradoxical contradiction makes it easier to forgive ourselves because, if by forgiving ourselves, we release the pressure of feeling responsible. By forgiving ourselves, we free ourselves from the need to spend endless energy making things work the way they should.
To release ourselves from blame so that we can be more open to forgiveness, we need to take the following three steps.
Step one — unorm realizatn Spiraling release from fear
If you accept that you could have done things differently, then you also accept that there are unforeseeable possibilities. And that means that an unforeseeable possibility is within your power to change. Never underestimate the power of unasking what you could have done differently.
One example of unasking what you could have done differently is to stop worrying about possibly having done something that you actually did do, such as having been too quick with a printer. If you take a moment to quiet yourself, then write down what it is that you regret about the incident and then ask yourself why that would cause you to feel guilt. From that place, you can start to unpack what it is within you that has been propagating the need to feel guilty.
Step two –solasonevents
Once we’ve quieted our hearts to the point of believing we have forgiven ourselves, we can begin to relax just a bit. Although it is never comfortable to contemplate the possibility that you could have done things differently, it is natural to feel a certain amount of relief.
But unless we are very close to total relaxation, we are likely to experience at least a little anxiety about un shelves full of potential mistakes. All that is required is the honest intention to forgive yourself, and then the earnest guidance of a mentor or guide who knows the best way to unpack any regrets.
Step three — release the event
Once you have begun to feel a certain sense of freedom — that the event has occurred — you can let it go. The idea is to let it go with the understanding that you have nothing to gain by holding on to it. The past event is over, and it never really had you any good. The only reason you keep rehashing it in your mind is because the worry and turmoil of the original event are still present and the emotions that arise from those memories can stir up guilt and/or regret.
For this reason, the most important thing to you in this moment is the change in emotional state that comes from forgiving yourself for what you consider a poor performance. Without the instant emotional satisfaction that comes from forgive yourself, you may find it easier to forgive the original event even if you don’t want to.
This instant change in emotional state will automatically alter your perception of the future and put things in a more positive light. It can give you a renewed hope in regards to your relationships and career. And one of the keys to living a more enjoyable life is to reduce the tension in your life whenever possible.
That is why forgiveness can work wonders in a Instructional Fulfillment (IF) situation. Without forgiving yourself, the part of the event that is stillcomforting will continue. Living a guiltless life can be difficult to do on your own, and infusing your life with forgiveness can help you make it easier.
It can also help you forgive a person who knocked you off your feet.